The Fools Are Out There

Ah. The sweet smell of confirmation as a Daily Mail reporter notes regarding the Conisholme UFO debacle:

"An interim report from the firm, Enercon, has concluded bolts securing the blade to the hub of the turbine failed due to 'material fatigue'."

No fucking shit, Sherlock!

Which is what I said the moment this story broke to national news on this very blog entry!

Where is Nick Pope (a leading authority on UFOs and the unexplained*) now, I wonder? Hiding under a rock I hope.

I did write to one of the popular locals and a nice young lady there sighed, that yes, the UFO story was rather unlikely but it sells newspapers.

Is it a bird, is it a plane? No! It's a fucking newspaper editor trying to make a quick buck.

*According to his website.

I've Seen Flying Saucers!

It's true! The last time I saw a flying saucer it was coming toward me at breakneck speed just after the cup of tea and slightly before the spoon following. That was the last time I called the vicar a corpse-worshipper.

But UFO sightings are in the news again (or is that still) as the paper which claims to have broken this latest tomfoolery has now solved another mystery. The Scunthorpe Telegraph reports this morning that the curios orange lights seen in the Lincolnshire skies around Christmas were ---- wait for this ---- Chinese lanterns!

Local resident, Christine Harriman explained:

"We lit some Christmas day about 5ish as you light them and let the hot air raise them into the sky. Traditionally you make a wish, but we did them for our departed family members and our dog, which was a lovely way to remember them."

I'll agree with that.

Chinese lanterns are, in effect, miniature hot-air balloons. You light a lightweight candle inside and the less-dense hot air inside causes them to rise into the sky. On a still night they are quite beautiful and a great way to introduce young children to basic science.

See Nick (Pope) - doesn't matter how much you stir people up with your idiotic other worldly explanations, the truth comes out in the end. Now go back in your hole and feel ashamed - you ought to.

Ecotricity Isn't Helping

Yes, it's that bloody "UFO" at Conisholme again.

Of course, there isn't a UFO and there never was. They simply don't exist, but as if to pour petrol on already furious blaze, an unidentified spokesperson has told the Louth Leader that:

"If there is a rational answer out there, we will find it."

What is the matter with these people? "IF" there is a rational answer? IF!!

Blades fall off wind turbines all the time - and suddenly Ecotricity are hinting that the cause may be unexplained. Hell's teeth, despite the amazing accuracy and regular NDT applied to the turbines in jet engines, even they occasionally fail with deadly results.

So either Ecotricity is either incredibly clever or incredibly stupid.

It's clever because by playing the long, unexplained game, they avoid having to deal with the failure in their duty of care - they are ultimately responsible for ensuring the blades don't drop off in the middle of the night.

It's stupid because playing the long game promoting the UFO myth is going to harm wind farms (and its business) in the long term. Already dumb people who need jobs and/or girlfriends are trying to get on site to search for bits of crashed UFO.

They won't find any because nothing crashed there.

That won't stop them looking while people like Nick Pope appear in national radio and hand-wringing on TV telling supporting the myth with their own pet theories. Very few tangible events remain unexplained for long, but Rent-a-Fools like Pope make a nice little living from gullible people and perpetuate this crazy myths.

Of course with a name like Pope, it's not surprising he is into ridculous myths: nominative determinacy anyone?

Daily Mail Readers Are Gullible

This is just a quick update on a story I ran a couple of days ago here.

One Daily Mail reader had the gall, the audacity to point out that the other commentators were well, daft, by writing:

"Are the public so gullible to believe such rubbish[?] One blade has broken off and the other was damaged in the freak weather conditions."

Which is pretty close to my own diagnosis and that of many experts including an insurance specialist who sees several of these incidents every year.

Mail readers are outraged - so far the comment is rating -90 (Sunday 21:00) and sinking! Dear god - are they really that stupid? Apparently, they are:

Molly of Stockport (currently one of the most popular comments at +86) has this to say:

"It isn't mentioned in this account but others state that there was no trace of the missing blade ... could ball lightening do that?"

It isn't mentioned, dear because it ISN'T MISSING and never was - it's been sent back to the manufacturer to see what went wrong; and what's ball lightning got to do with it?

It goes on to quote, rent-a-fool, Nick Pope a former MOD employee who now specialises in UFOlogy for TV. Mr Pope told the Mail:

'This is a really bizarre case. What's particularly exciting is that because there's been a collision, there will be residue of the object involved. Forensic science will enable this material to be recovered and analysed. This elevates this UFO case, because with most sightings all you have is eyewitness testimony or indistinct and shaky film footage taken on a mobile phone.'

Does it indeed? All it elevates is the smell of bullshit coming from your direction.

The flashing lights were still most likely of terrestrial origin - fireworks; and the noise - well can you imagine the din if a rotor blade comes off and hits a neighbouring one at speed? There's going to be one hell of a bang!

The residue - what are you going to say when this turns out to be parts of a neighbouring blade, Nick? Will the German engineers even bother to look?

Much of the rest of this is empty speculation fuelled by Nick Pope and his band of gullible idiots. Not that it matters. Nick never has to answer his critics: he just does a Hitchens and ignores them.

UFO Damages Wind Turbine (NOT)

In some breaking news, a wind turbine at Conisholme, England has lost one of its 20M blades and had another damaged has UFO idiots experts fruitcakes researchers believers in a frenzy. UFOolgists as they like to be called (I can think of a lot of other things) are now crawling all over the site like ants scouring for clues.

Not surprisingly, the local and even national press is abuzz with the story of the millenium - little green men are real after all and we're being invaded! Strange lights have been reported in the sky around the area and mysterious sounds have been heard.

Uh huh!

Although Dale Vince one of the site owners wasn't saying much, the MOD are being rather more sober.

They're not even vaguely interested, in fact.

What the UFOidiots want us to believe is that a massive spaceship could navigate its way across the vastness of space, successfully get into low earth atmosphere and then crash into a wind farm!

Photos of the structure appear here, although they're not that clear. Even looking at that, I have another explanation which is closer to home and rather more believable and I can sum it up in two words:

Metal fatigue.

I may be wrong, but my immediate guess is that the missing blade actually came loose or began to bend while the turbine was rotating at speed. As it flailed around it collided with a second blade causing that severe damage before eventually falling off completely.

Occam's razor folks.

You read it here first. I'll update this story if any clearer explanation appears.

UPDATE:

and here it is, just 30 minutes after I posted my results, Associated Press puts this on the wire (courtesy of Google and copyright Associated Press)!

"Fraser McLachlan, chief executive of GCube, which insures more than 25,000 wind turbines worldwide, said that although it is unusual, this type of incident happens about five or six times a year. It does happen that a blade will sometimes just come off a machine for one reason or another," he said. "The main reason is the blade may shear."

FUCK YOU Ufologists!

Reason wins again.

Those bright lights are just that, everyday bright lights or more likely fake memories. More on this in my upcoming book which may even come out this year.

UPDATE 2:

The brilliantly sober Financial Times has an explanation for the lights in addition to a carried away "expert" as its Energy Editor, Ed Crooks writes at lunchtime today:

Nick Pope, a UFO expert, said it could be “one of the most significant UFO incidents for years.”

The Financial Times can reveal, however, that the likely cause of the lights seen in the area was a firework display.

Peter Bell, a retired farmer who lives close to the wind farm site, celebrated his 80th birthday on Saturday night with a party that culminated with fireworks being let off in the back garden.

In another priceless quote (this one appears in a newspaper from Thailand!) the amazingly gullible Russ Kellett, from the Flying Saucer Bureau, said witnesses had reported:

“Balls of light in the sky and the MoD (ministry of defence) has no explanation. We are very, very excited about this. To hit two of the blades, any object must have been about 170 feet long."

Where do they find these people? The MoD isn't interested Nicky boy. They don't give a fuck because they have better things to than chase your flying spaghetti monsters. As for an explanation, I rather think they came to the same conclusion as I did.

Dear God, if we weren't in such a recession I'd be screaming, "Get a fucking job, you idiot!" but now I'm denied that comeback.

Those weird lights in the sky were fucking fireworks! Not aliens from the planet Zod, but common or garden display fireworks all the way from down town China.

UPDATE 3:

My head is starting to hurt with all this as the story spreads across the globe. A sober report in the Louth Leader's website, "louthleader.co.uk" lists several other instances of blade failure along with a quote from the "tentacle man", John Harrison. Looking from his landing window, he saw:

"a 'massive ball of light' with 'tentacles going right down to the ground' over Conisholme wind farm."

"It was huge. At first I thought it must have been a hole where the moon was shining through but then I saw the tentacles – it looked just like an octopus. It was an incredible site; I have never seen anything like it before. I have no idea what it was, all I can say is what I saw".

Dear god, does this man wear spectacles - does he need to? Has he ever seen fireworks before? The paper doesn't elaborate on these points but that's the sort of thing I'd be asking. Seems that Mr Harrison (no age given) has gotten caught up in all the hype and just gone along with it.

Paraphrasing what Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel crooned in, The Boxer, "a man sees what he wants to see and disregards the rest."

He sure has done here.

UPDATE 4:

The story has finally hit the US with Fox news carrying a story from The Sun which says:A woman motorist told how she saw a UFO zoom towards the wind farm and strike the turbine.

"There was no trace of the missing blade."

Which is patently bullshit - the bloody thing was there for everyone to see. This is the result of overexcited early reports, but the Currant Bun isn't going to let a few facts get in the way:

An [unidentified] UFO expert said: "We are very excited."

Humm, wonder if that's Nick Pope - who is either nuts or very smart, I can't tell yet. He used to work at the MOD, but is now a TV personality - promoting UFOs. You decide that one.

The Bun goes on:

Dorothy Willows — who lives half a mile from the scene of the hit-and-run — was in her car when "strange lights" loomed in the evening sky.

"The lights were moving across the sky towards the wind farm," she said. "Then I saw a low flying object. It was skimming across the sky towards the turbines."

Isn't it amazing how a simple firework display (as was revealed earlier in this article) suddenly turns into a low-flying object - oh yes, and a moon squid.

I know from personal experience that journos put words into people's mouths, so I can't be sure that's what Mrs Willows said - but I wouldn't be surprised. People are obviously keen to get in on the act and not be outdone. It's the old "It was THIS big" claim.

Hey ho.

More on this as the bullshit, sorry, story develops momentum.